“I'm sitting here quite retrospective; about to remove years of old crud,varnish and stain from once beautiful antique dining room chairs that in my heart will always belong to my mother and father along with the now once again very beautiful accompanying table I've just refinished. All have been through a lot of living and deserve to be once more, made beautiful and feel from a loving and caring hand; just as we all do. My minds reel to reel tape is rolling back through times of my lifes' happiness, sadness and uncertainties. Eighteen years ago, my sweet mother (along with my father who most times didn't voice his love nor always agree with her thinking but knew he couldn't fight with her loving heart), helped me in starting my life over. If no one knew, my mother knew my heart as well as my soul and she knew both were good despite my wrong doings and mistakes. She was well aware of my humanness and my desire to be truly loved as well as my innate want to give my heart meant to be shared to any and all that would listen to it.
Prior to all of this I had a great career as an enlisted person in the U.S. Air Force and I was moving on up the promotion ladder quite well. I had awards for all kinds of things along with thirteen “additional duties” I was responsible for along with being the “Assistant Shop Chief” in overseeing the daily operations and tasks of twenty-three young airmen in my charge. Can you say, “overload”? My body broke internally, yet I pressed on and continued to be “exemplary” because that was what is instilled in me to be! It took 2 ½ years, a relocation to Myrtle Beach Air Force Base and a doctor that knew what he was doing to diagnose me with Crohns Disease and finally find ...some relief from my pain. I was advised to, “Slow down and avoid stress as much as possible. Yeah buddy! I was a career NCO! (non-commissioned officer) with ten years of military under my belt and a wife and two boys to take care of! I found myself within a couple of weeks of being promoted again after rigorous studying and praying.
During this same time I was being advised by a military lawyer to “walk away and accept a retirement” due to my Crohns Disease. I did just that, but reluctantly! Afterall, this was not my plan at all! I was made to succeed in the things in life! Right? So came the “quiet life; a more simple life. Hahahahaha!
We bought a house, then a bigger house with bigger payments along with newer vehicles, furniture and more payments. I worked hard, putting in fifty to seventy hours a week at times along with taking my sweet boys to soccer practices, games, home maintenance and upkeep and church on Sunday. At one point I studied doctrine to become a church layperson and deacon. I loved every minute of it! I thrived on providing for my family and doing for them the best I could. Yet...still something was missing. I tried talking about it but no one could grasp my mind-frame nor could I explain myself well enough . After ten ½ years of marriage, my heart was now advising me to“walk away” and I did just that but reluctantly! Afterall, this was not my plan at all! I was made to succeed in life! Right? So came the “quiet life a more simple life. Yeah buddy!
Nineteen years later, the loss of three more wives, two more really nice houses, rental property, and being “successful” in having...things and businesses I sit here in my 'lil' mobile home on 3 'lil' acres set way back off the highway; EXACTLY where God placed me eighteen years ago when His spirit touched my mothers heart to place her loving and caring hand on me. God and Momma knew my heart and soul underneath all the crud, crust and stain and that I too deserved to be made beautiful in this all too often complicated world.
In my “walking aways” I was walking toward something neither I nor they knew, though a quiet voice deep within me has always whispered that Momma and my boys mom knew I was meant to touch peoples hearts. I was reluctant to walk away because I always wanted so much for everything and everyone to come with me. It didn't dawn on me in those times...why I walked away or ended up with little or nothing. And maybe, just maybe most of those around me were never suppose to ever “get me”
God “gets me” and always has!Talk about going full circle! Wow! After all the years, I am the same me I have always been but much more able to decipher life and give of my life to others because I was again given this chance to be refurbished and to reclaim myself freed of many of the world's obstacles.
Well, I guess I better get to making the dining room chairs all pretty again. It seems I became lost in my, 'retrospectiveness' but in doing so it has given me the expressiveness of my loving and caring heart to be heard and seen by those that choose to do so.”
Teapotter, “Off the Cuff”
Blog has been viewed (535) times.